Stacilynnx3's Journals

3 Year Buzziversary!!???

Hey there guys! So in the absolute chaos that is getting ready for school to start, I complete forgot to celebrate my 3rd year here on buzznet! (It was the 24th, ftr)

But seriously, woah. It's hard to believe that.

I've made a TON of amazing friends (you know who you are :D ) and I've even gotten the chance to meet one of them at Warped Tour last year (Kailey!).

To Kailey, Aine, Dani, Rachel, and Jac, you girls are amazing no joke. It always brightens my day when I log in and see that I have a new note from one of you guys (: And the fact that all of you still talk to me even though I can be a complete bore some times (more often than not) just makes you guys cooler.

Oh, and Aine, we still need to set a date for our rave girl. Music,friends,and location will only get us so far ;D

[Excuse it for the fail that it is, I was painting my room and wrote 'Buzznet' on the wall. Only problem? Totally didn't show up in the picture.]

"My Mom" (Staci's Story)

This is a parody of "Stacy's Mom" by Fountains Of Wayne. I did the entire thing by myself after hearing this song for the first time in years (:

{Opening}

He thinks my mom has got it going on.

My crush thinks my mom has got it going on!

{Verse 1}

Do you remember when he came to the house? (after school)

We sat around and hung out, by the pool. (he was lookin' so cool)

You had just gotten back from your business trip (to Peru)

Inside you were makin' us some chips and dip (chips and the dip)

We are not as young as we used to be

But I just found out he is more in love than me!

ã��

{Chorus}

He thinks that my mom has got it going on!
He's all I've ever wanted, this just seems so wrong.
Mom, oh can't you see, you're embarrassing to me.
I know that it seems flawed but my crush is in love with my mom.

He thinks my mom has got it going on.

{Verse 2}

Mom, do you remember when he mowed our lawn? (mowed the lawn)

Things were fine, but then you came out with that towel on. (to get your massage)

I could tell he enjoyed it from the staring. (oh the way that he stared)

You made things worse by saying "You missed all that right there" (all right there)

My friends all claim it's only in my head

But without a dad there is a spot open for him.

ã��

He thinks my mom has got it goin on
He's all I've ever wanted, this just seems so wrong.
Mom, oh can't you see, you're embarrassing to me.
I know that it seems flaw-aw-awed
(I think my crush is...)
In love with my mom (My mom!)
(In love with)
My mom!

Mom can't you see that you're embarrassing to me!

I know that it seems flawed but my crush is in love with my mom.

If Fear Is Just A State Of Mind- Info

After a very long time thinking it over, I've decided to take this story off of it's hiatus and finish it. I will however be more organized this time! I'm going to sit down and completely plan out how I want the rest of this to run, and how I want it to end. As of now I think I could finish it up in 13 chapters, ending at 25.

For now I'm off to set all of my characters out: play god, fix up their fates, decided who goes where and so on and so forth.

Those of you who commented on the parts that I have out- thank you. Especially to the few of you who came back recentely saying that you missed it. You guys gave me the push I needed to go through with this.

xStacilynn

If Fear Is Just A State Of Mind, Then Is My Life Imaginary? [12/?]

Summary: Could you really be afraid, when ~~fear~~ is the only thing you've ever known?

Disclaimer: I do not own any one from Panic at the Disco. I do however own all other characters, unless stated otherwise, and the entire plot line.

From the moment the ambulence arrived untill the second they pulled up to the hospital, Katrina was completely frozen with fear. Her mind felt slightly at ease that she could calm herself enough to dial 911 and then speak to the operator on the other end of the line. All of this seemed like a dream to her, nothing made it seem real.

Not one part in her brain would (or could) believe that Ryan, her Ryan, lay in the room across the hall in critical condition, hanging on for dear life. The long slender hallway ran up and down with people; doctors scampering through to check on all of their numerous patients, families desperate to see that loved one whom undergone a surgery or survived a severe illness. Then you had Katrina.

Her shoulder length brown hair with infinite blonde highlights, and a few pink streaks here and there, shielded her small oval face. It hung un-kept and stuck in chunks to her soaked cheeks and around her blotchy red eyes. The black eyeliner which coated her eyes in a complementing fashion now streaked down her face, far below her eyes and spattering the cuffs of her hoodie. Katrina's tiny figured sat huddled in a ball on the cushioned chair across the hall. And for the first time in her 15 years of life, she couldn't reasure herself that it would be alright. Her and Ryan both hit rock-bottom. Neither one could fall farther, so everything for here on in would just get better right? She doubted it. Not one person noticed her sitting there, crying in desperation.

After several hours (or was it minutes?) of waiting for one of her other friends (Dani, Rachel, Brendon, Spencer, or Gabe) to show up, she felt herself losing consciousness as Katrina slowly drifted off into a well-deserved slumber.

"Katrina? Katrina? Wake up honey! Come on, you need to get up."

Her eyes fluttered open, only to reveal a familiar looking room in a familiar looking place. Then the panic set in.

"Mom? What am I doing here? Where's Ryan? Why aren't I at the hospital?!" Katrina started to shoot questions at her mom as each one of the thoughts came to her mind. Her mother just stared back at her with the look of utter confusion on her face.

"Honey....what are you talking about? What hospital? And who's Ryan?"

Katrina bit her lip and sat back, letting her back rest against the wooden frame around the window that hung above her bed.

"Umm....never mind. It was.....it was just......a dream." If there was one person in the world that could whip up a believable lie quickly, it was Katrina Seiler.

"Alright......well, I have to get going now. Mark and I have to leave on another business trip, this one is a tiny bit longer than the rest though."

"Longer than the rest?" She questioned.

"Well...we're not entirely sure how long we'll be gone. All I know for sure is that we'll be gone over a month no problem."

Katrina bit her lip again and let her eyes fall into her lap.

"Over a month?" She questioned herself. School was going to be over soon, only 2 weeks left.

"Well, at least I'll have a good bit of my summer vacation to myself."

"That's fine," She said with fake joy, "I'll be fine, trust me!"

"Well, ok. But only if you're sure." Katrina nodded her head and her mother left. Left her by herself and back to her thoughts.

"What happened?"

Katrina wanted nothing more than to pick up the phone and to call Ryan's house. Just for her to confirm in her own mind that she wasn't crazy; either it really happened or she dreamed it all up. She couldn't though.

Both her conscious and subconscious mind battled her with this, but not once did she give in. What was the point of calling now though? Two weeks already passed; they no longer saw each other at school because it had let out for the summer. To be perfectly honest, Katrina hadn't seen or talked to any of her friends for the past two weeks, except for Gabe and Rachel but even they only showed their faces about 2 times.

"I linger in the doorway
Of alarm clock screaming
Monsters calling my name
Let me stay
Where the wind will whisper to me
Where the raindrops, as theyâ�™re falling, tell a story"

Her phone sang to her. It read 'one new text from: Brendon'.

"Brendon? Well that's weird. Why would he be texting me?" She click read and opened it up to see what Brendon suddenly needed to tell her, after not speaking to her for such a long length of time.

Katrina-

I know it's been a while since any of us have spoken to you, but believe us when we say that there was a good reason behind it. Meet us at the old birch tree in ten minutes; be there or be square (:

-Brendon and the gang

She didn't need any more motivation; Katrina threw on her converse and hoodie and ran down to their hang out.

When she got there, she realized she might have been a bit too excited to get here. Brendon's direction was to meet in 10 minutes, not the three that it took her to run down from her house. With a small 'huff!' she sat on the log that accompinied all of the twings and branches on the ground. After 15 minutes of sitting on the log, Katrina started to realize that it had been all a joke. A cruel, sick joke that they played on her. None of them really wanted to see or talk to her, they just wanted to see if she would be dumb enough to believe them.

Then, out of the thick underbrush of the trees, she heard a giggle. Katrina whipped around to see who made the sound, but found no one. She turned around in dismay but screamed in terror at the site of two girls. They were both slender and pretty.One of the girls was short. She looked to be around the same height as Katrina, mabey even shorter. Her skin was tanned and her eyes and hair matched; both a nice brown colour. The other girl was tall; defintely 5'7 plus. Her dirty blonde hair and bright blue eyes gave her an innocent look.

But looks can be deceiving......

"Hey there. What are you doing sitting out here all alone?" The taller girl asked. Katrina didn't know what to say. Here she sat, alone in the middle of a small forest-type patch on the outskirts of Vegas, which had always been her and her friend's hang out, waiting for them to show and some random girl just comes up trying to make conversation? It seemed very strange, even for Las Vegas.

"Ummm....I'm waiting for my friends. They were supposed to meet me here..."

"5 minutes ago?" She cut her off.

"Uh, yeah. How did you kno-"

"I just do." She smiled. The kind of smile that looked so sweet and cute and it made you want to throw up, repeatedly.

"My name's Greer, but please don't call me that. I prefer Grizza. Oh, and this would be Lakeisha." She motioned her hand toward the shorter one.

"We were wondering if mabey you'd like to hang out with us? Mabey go into town and have some fun?"

Katrina thought it over. On one hand, this entire situation appeared strange. On the other, her friends texted her telling her they wanted to meet up and start hanging out again, but ditched her. So, Katrina did the only logical thing she knew.

"Sure, I'd love to hang out with you guys."

OH EM GEE I POSTED!! I'm so sorry for the long wait. I am one uber lazy person :D

So, I think I'm going to start time-jumping in this one. We haven't even gotten to the main plot and I'm already 12 parts in! :O I keep going like this and it might end up being 100 parts. I've also decided that once I'm done with this, I'm going to post the actually fic that goes with my Spencer Smith one-shot I posted a week ago.

HOW EXCITING IS THAT???? UMM....VERY!!!!!

So that's it for now. I'm going to try and post another one this week. I'm praying. So keep your fingers [and toes xD] crossed for me! Ily guys a bunch.

-Staci

The Truth Hurts Worst [1/1]

Disclaimer: I do not own Spencer Smith; only the story line and the main character.

'Humph' I sighed. My car slid up a few more feet and pulled to a stop in the slim rectangular spot that I'd been parking my car for the past few months. I turned the keys cutting the engine and pulled them out of the comfy spot in the ignition where they had sat for the past few hours. I un-did my seat belt and with a 'click' it slid back into it's regular place atop the shoulder of the front seat of my Grand Prix. Grabbing my paint splattered Blink 182 purse from the seat beside me, I reached for the door handle. It opened and my feet gingerly stepped out onto the gravel. Behind me, I heard the car door slam on it's own. I whipped around, but nothing was there. It was only the wind.

I held my breathe, creeping my way up to the building. I was afraid to walk back into that apartment, our apartment. What girl wouldn't after having the first big fight with her boyfriend of 3 years? We'd been together since junior year, and I can still remember the day you asked me out ,too. The happiest day of my life, and still is.

"It was one fight" I reasured myself. "No big deal, couples fight all the time. And this is the first big fight we've ever had. The first fight either one of us has walked away to cool down. One fight can't break something this strong."

By the time I had driven all the way out to the lake, I wasn't even mad anymore. All I needed was to get away from him for a few hours, just to think everything over. My mind searched through it self several times, finding not one trace of a clue to what the fight had been about. I resurfaced from my mind to realize that I was, in fact, standing at the door of the apartment. I shuffled through my purse and snatched the keys, pushing them into the lock and twisting them in hopes of getting the door open faster than capable. Now that I was home, I couldn't wait to see you.

"To run up to you, hug you, tell you how sorry I am, kiss you....." But these thoughts were interrupted by a noise.

"A giggle?" I questioned, unsure."No, definitely not. You may have been mad after this one, but there is no way you'd stoop that low..." And again I was interrupted by that same, obnoxious giggle.

My heart thudded in my chest and the blood pumped faster and faster through my veins. My brain and heart both begged me to stay put, not to move because we really don't need to know where that noise is coming from, do we?

"Of course I do"

My body overpowered all else and started moving tword the guest bedroom, where the sound was most definitely coming from. I watched in slow motion as my hand reached for the handle and slowly turned it against all my will power. I peered inside and my heart dropped to my stomach so quickly that I almost threw up.

There you were on the bed with some brunette, probable one that you met at a show. You two sure looked like you were having fun. Neither one of you noticed my existence, which I was thankful for because I don't think I could've faced you at the moment. I went straight to the kitchen after grabbing a pen and a piece of paper.

I scribbled down my message then proceded to ~~our~~ your bedroom and pack my stuff. I threw the most important of my things into the two suitcases that I found, and decided to leave the rest. I gave one final glance to that room where the both of you were now cuddled up, sleeping.

I was going to slam the door on my way out, just to let you know that I'd found the two of you. But then I figured I'd just let you find the note I was nice enough to leave you. That way you wouldn't be able to catch up with me.

Dearest Spencer-

I understand that you've found a new toy to play with. Right about now I'm wondering what happend to the last 3 years of my life and why I decided to waste them on you. I actually did love you, and I think at one point you did actually love me back. If ,when you wake up and find this, it does take a toll on your heart in any way, shape, or form, let me be the first to inform you: I'm not coming back. I don't intend to either. Hope you had fun with what's-her-name (and I'm sure you don't know either). See you in hell

Love always,

-Addie

Woo one-shot! I'm having slight complications with IFIJASOMTIMLI. I know what I want to do for the next part it's just that every time I start writing it, it doesn't sound right to me. I'm a perfectionist and it sucks xD So I wrote you guys this as an "I'm sorry" to hold you over till I figure that out.

There's more of a story line to this. It was actually a dream I had a few nights ago! If you guys want, I could continue it and make it a full on fic? Cause right now, on top of the one I'm already doing, I have 2 more stories lines. This one and 1 other one I think you guys would like. What do you think?

And seeing as I have no clue how long my current one is gonna be (seeing as we haven't even gotten CLOSE to the main drama) I could just write both? Post once a week for both? Well, tell me what you think.

Thanks for reading!

-Staci ;D

If Fear Is Just A State Of Mind, Then Is My Life Imaginary? [11/?]

Summary: Could you really be afraid, when ~~fear~~ is the only thing you've ever known?

Disclaimer: I do not own any one from Panic at the Disco. I do however own all other characters, unless stated otherwise, and the entire plot line.

Katrina felt like there was something very wrong. There was a sick feeling building up in the pit of her stomach as she paced the lengh of her room. Finally she couldn't take it anymore.

She ran to her closet and opened the giant wooden doors. Snatching a Blink 182 hoodie and throwing it over her slim frame, she ran out the door to her room and bounded down the steps.

Katrina didn't bother to lock the door; her mother was in the house so it wouldn't matter. The second her feet were outside of the door she started running. Where you might ask? To the very place that would be able to reasure her pessimistic mind that everything was indeed alright - - - Ryan' house.

Now, she wouldn't normally be worried. Actually she wouldn't think twice about it if this had happened between her and someone else. But it had happened with Ryan, and that was what made her worried. Even worse was she had gotten a text from Rachel during what was supposed to be their 6th period,a class she had with Ryan. He wasn't there; after the incident with her nobody had seen him at all. And that led her to believe that he went home just as she did.

She ran down another block and turned left onto the street that he lived. ('My lord! Why does he have to leave so far away from me? And why did I run all the way here?') Katrina stopped short when she reached it.

She had never been to the Ross household; Ryan had told her it would be better if they just went to her house. He had told her once that his father was an alcohlic and had hit him before, she knew how bad it was when she had forced him to show her the bruises that so carefully outlined his ribcage and outer stomach. The only reason Katrina knew where he lived at all was she walked him home one day; against his will of course.

She gulped and made her way to the front door, all the while examining the house. It was an average sized house; not over the top huge, but not a tiny little shack. It was a beige colour with black shingles on the roof top. Mahogany window frames that matched the frame of the door; a nice touch. Her hand was shaking as she slowly pulled it up just enough to knock on the door. There was no answer. Looking over her shoulder to the drive way, she realized there were no cars.

'No ones home.....' She thought.

But the urge to make sure that Ryan was okay persuaded her to at least try. With her hand on the doorknob, she turned it ever so slightly and - click - it opened.

'This is so wrong' Her mind told her as she stepped in through the doorway. 'It's also breaking and entering. You are so not supposed to be doing this.'

"But I have to...," she muttered under her breathe. "Now where could he be?"

The answer was all too obvious. His room, of course. Where else would a teenage boy be ? Katrina's first instinct was to try upstairs. Turning tword the staircase, she grabbed the railing and started to make her ascent.

The house was so quite; absolute dead silence. Straight out of a horror movie and then some. Then came time to decided; left or right? Taking quick action she went left. She walked all down the hallway and looked in every room. None of them were Ryan's bedroom.

"It has to be down the right side." So she went back down the hall. The light poured in the window from the outside; it wanted to make the situation at hand brighter than it was. None of the rooms seemed like they fit Ryan. And then there was the one all the way at the end.

The door was cracked open the tiniest bit and was dark.

Katrina held her breathe in axiety. She made her way over to it and pushed it open.

The sight on the inside of the door made her fall straight to her knees in tears.

Sorry for the wait guys! School started again on Monday and things are already getting hectic.

But I'm not giving up on this! Next part will hopefully be out sometime this weekend

-Staci

If Fear Is Just A State Of Mind, Then Is My Life Imaginary? [10/?]

Summary: Could you really be afraid, when ~~fear~~ is the only thing you've ever known?

Disclaimer: I do not own any one from Panic at the Disco. I do however own all other characters, unless stated otherwise, and the entire plot line.

It had been a few weeks since they had gotten the project and Ryan and Katrina were as close as ever. They had gotten into the habit that Ryan would come over to Katrina's house every day after school, and every weekend. Half the time they wouldn't work on the project. Instead they would just sit and talk, getting to know each other even better. Ryan was barely hanging out with his old posse anymore.

About a week before, he had found Keltie cheating on him with none other than Josh. It wasn't a surprise to him. Actually, he's suspected it since the day of the fight. He broke up with her and told them he was sick of them. Finally, he was starting to stand up for himself and turning back into the old Ryan.

Spencer forgave him for everything that had happened in the past years and they became friends again. Ryan's life was finally making a turn around and he couldn't be happier. Katrina's like had made a spectacular turn around as well. The two of them brought out the best in each other. Everyone noticed and everyone was happy for them. Well, except one person.

________________________________________

"So, you and Ryan are partners for the art project, huh?" Brendon stated as he sat down at the groups normal lunch table at the front of the cafe.

Brendon had been late to school the day they were given the project too, but he was lucky and completely missed first period.

"Uh.....yeah we are." Katrina said. She put her head down just the tiniest bit. Just enough that it wouldn't look like she was avoiding eye contact, but enough to let him know that she was.

"I see.....how did you two end up being partners exactly?" He lifted an apple up to his mouth and bit into it slowly, staring at her waiting for an answer.

He noticed that she wasn't going to answer him , by the look on her face, so he went to push her to tell him. Just as he went to open his mouth, she flipped.

"God Brendon! I told you already! I was LATE! Ryan didn't have a freaking PARTNER! So our stupid teacher MADE us PARTNERS! I didn't ask for this, alright?! I know what you wanna hear! That I did all of this JUST to be RYAN ROSS'S FUCKING ART PARTNER! Well let me tell you something Brendon! The last thing that I'd want is to be HIS partner! I can't STAND him! Is that what you want to hear? That I hate his guts? Well good, cause that's what you got!"

Katrina stopped just in time to see the horrified look on Brendon's- all of their face's. Not only did Brendon have that shocked look, but so did Dani, Rachel, Spencer, and Gabe.

"What are you guys looking at me like that for? I mean, I know I flipped but-"

"Katrina?" Spencer stopped her.

"Yeah Spence?"

"Turn around."

She did as she was told. As slowly as she could possible make herself, she turned around. Standing there, with his lunch tray in hand, was Ryan. The look on his face was a fine mixture of sadness, shock, surprise, but most of all, betrayal. When Katrina's sad wet eyes met Ryan's mad fire-filled ones, he dropped his tray and booked it out of the lunchroom.

No one in the entire cafe noticed that anything had happened, except for that one table. Katrina didn't bother sitting back down but went straight to the bathrooms. She locked herself in the first open stall,curled up into a little ball, and cried. How could she say that? Especially about him? Sure, Brendon had been getting on her nerves lately with the whole 'Ryan Ross is an evil being' thing but why did this have to turn on her? Katrina and Ryan were starting to get really close, as a matter of fact they were pretty much best friends any more. It only took her not even a month to see that he was really cool. When he wasn't with Keltie and them at least. And Katrina had helped him with so much.

Ryan had a lunch tray in his hand when he heard her say that. That meant he was trying to eat again. For her. She was the only reason that he was putting himself through that painful process of getting his body used to food again. The worst part was, she had started to like him even more than she had ever thought possible. Hell, she might even be in love with him. Though she'd still never admit, especially with Brendon around. There was a noise of a door opening and shuting and the sound of someone walking across the linolium floor.

"Katrina?"

Dani. She should have know. They only two people that would come and look for her in the girls room would either be her or Rachel.

"Yeah?" She croaked.

"You alright?" Dani wanted to say so much more than that but she wasn't sure what exactly to say. Everyone knew that Dani was not a fan of Ryan Ross. But she put that all past her because Katrina was bringing out the best in him and if Katrina said he was a good guy, well, Dani was going to believe her.

There was no answer but there was a sniffling sounds coming from inside the stall. Dani sighed and leaned against the wall.

"You don't have to come out of there. I just wanted to let you know that....I'm going to talk to him for you."

Katrina immediately got up and unlocked the door to look at her friend.

"What? You're going to.....but why? Both of us know that you don't like him. So why are you going to talk to him?"

"Katrina, Katrina, Katrina......are you really that dumb? You're one of my best friends! Sure, I might not like him, but he makes you happy. Extremely happy. And what kind of friend would I be if I didn't come through for you when you needed me?"

"Really?" Dani nodded and Katrina flung herself onto her, smothering her in a hug. Dani laughed and patted her head. They started to walk back into the lunchroom when Katrina stopped.

"What is it?" Dani asked her.

"I can't go back in there. I really don't want to be in the same room as Brendon right now. I might just kill him."

"Where are you going to go then? We still have two classes after this and both of them are with him. Somehow I don't think any of our teacher's will appreciate it if you kill him in the middle of them teaching."

Dani continued to laugh at her own wit while Katrina thought about what she had just said.

"That's it! Thanks Dani, I so owe you one!" She cried running the opposite way of the lunchroom's doors.

"Wait a minute. What do you mean 'I owe you'. Where are you going?"

"Home!" Katrina yelled over her shoulder, jogging for the front doors to ditch the rest of the day.

___________________________________________________________________

Ryan sat on his bed with his knees pulled to his chest. His entire world came crashing down when he heard her say all those things. All this time he thought that someone actually liked him, really thought he was different. But he was wrong.

His parents decided that they were going to get a divorce. They fought constantely over who was to get what. Never once did they mention anything about him. Even the garden gnomes and china plates ranked higher in his parents' thoughts then he did.

Right now, at this moment, his life seemed meaningless. All afternoon he sat in his room, deciding on whether or not he should do it. After weighing the pro's and con's he figured that the pro's outweighed anything.

He walked to the little nightstand he had beside his bed; on it lay the pills that were supposed to help him with depression. Ryan spilled the colorful tablets out into his hand, swallowing whatever was in it dry. He walked over to his bed, laid down and went to sleep.

The very last thing he thought before drifting off to sleep?

"To bad I won't wake up in the morning."

This part is a favorite of mine, not sure why though. It's a bit longer than what I usually write but school starts again Monday [oh yeah! vacations over ] so I won't have quite as much time to write as I did over break.

I'll most likely post twice a week; Friday and whatever other day I'm not busy.

Hope you guys liked it and thanks for reading! And don't worry, this is just the beginning of the drama yet to come ;D

-Staci

If Fear Is Just A State Of Mind, Then Is My Life Imaginary? [9/?] (Part 2)

Summary: Could you really be afraid, when ~~fear~~ is the only thing you've ever known?

Disclaimer: I do not own any one from Panic at the Disco. I do however own all other characters, unless stated otherwise, and the entire plot line.

It was 8 o'clock. Ryan had been then almost 3 hours and they had gotten barely anything done. Katrina was having a hard time concentrating the way it was, but then she noticed some faint bruises on Ryan's arms. Then, after noticing the bruises, she saw some scars that ran up and down both of his arms on the inside.

The questions started popping up in her head.

'Where did he get that?'

"How did that happen?"

"Is that they reason he doesn't talk about his home life?"

"Did he do that to himself?"

She fought back ever urge she had to say something.

"You have to let him be the one to bring it up. You aren't his friend Katrina. He's not going to tell you what's wrong. Ryan's not going to trust you like that. Come on, what were you thinking?"

"Katrina! Hello? Katrina? Are you even paying attention to m-" Ryan stopped short when he saw her staring. He cautiosly followed her eyes to figure out what she was looking at. His heart dropped down to his feet when his own eyes realized that her's had found the marks.

He pulled the sleaves of his shirt to cover them, although the point was mute.

"Ryan" Her voice came out as a whisper " Where did those come from?"

Katrina was praying that he would answer her, open up and talk. Tell her everything that was on his mind and not just walk out the front door.

"Please, tell me." She coaxed him.

He sighed.

"I don't want to tell you." Was all he said, and then looked away from her.

Katrina frowned at the failed attempt, but tried again.

"You don't have to tell me anything. I was just worried." Katrina was very good at making people want to tell her things. She gave them a a sense of security, and they usually gave in. But Ryan was much different. He simply said 'alright' and then went back to writing things down on a list he had been making.

"There is one thing I want to know." Katrina piped up. She was being awfully brave, especially since Ryan had made it plainly clear that he didn't want to talk about it.

"And what's that?" He asked.

"You're such a nice guy, yet you hang out with the meanest people. Why?"

"How do you know that I'm such a nice guy? Mabey I'm just being nice to you because we have to do this project together and we need to be talking?" He questioned her back, raising an eyebrow.

"I know that you're a nice guy because you haven't left yet. I know that you're a nice guy, because if you weren't you wouldn't have full conversations with me about random things. You aren't even half as bad as most people think."

He sighed again, closing his eyes.

"What do you want to know?"

Katrina smiled happily, knowing that she'd won.

"Are you naturally that skinny, or is there a reason you are?"

Katrina! Why would you actually ask him something? Especially that? That sounded so...so....mean!

He looked down at himself and then back up at her.

"No, I'm not naturally this skinny. Keltie feels that I need to look my best all the time, so I......haven't really eaten a full meal in.....quite some time." He went back to twiddling his fingers while Katrina sat and stared at him in shock.

Ryan was doing this to himself, wasting away to nothing, for her? That definitely wasn't fair. All of a sudden Katrina began to well up with tears. She looked him over again and saw how bad he really was. It was distquisting.

"Ryan, I don't want to sound mean but, you look horrible. Mabey you should try and get healthy again. You don't have to stop hanging out with Keltie and them just......do what's right for you ok? I'm worried about you." Katrina said, whispering the last part. She didn't mean for him to hear it, but he did.

"Ok. I promise I'll start doing what's best for me." He said.

The rest of the night played out like that. Katrina asked him odd questions about his life, different things that had always confused her and he answered them. Well, only the ones he felt comfortable with letting her know.

______________________________________

When Katrina opened her eyes, she realized that it was morning. She was all curled up on her bed with the covers neatly over her but she was still wearing the clothes from the day before. Then she noticed a note on her bedside.

Dear Katrina-

I had a good time last night and I'm glad that I finally had someone that I could talk to about everything I've been keeping inside all these years. I truly feel that I can trust you, and I swear on my life that I'll get better. If not for me, then definitely you.

Don't worry about anything; I'm going to lock the door on my way out.

And if you're wondering why you're in your bed, I couldn't let you sleep at that table.

Definitely not as comfortable as your bed!

Love, Ryan

Katrina smiled at the note that he had left her. Ryan was truly a very sweet guy. More people just needed to realize that *coughcoughBrendoncoughcough*

More thoughts started to pop into her head like-

When had she fallen asleep? When did Ryan leave? How did he get home?

And the one that was still going through her mind that she never asked him from the night before- How does he know where she lives?

She shrugged it off after the peaceful thoughts of last night came back to her. Katrina and Ryan had sat and talked about their lives for at least 6 hours, laughing and having a good time. She was glad that she was getting to know him; the real him.

This way she'd have plenty to say back to Brendon when he insisted on telling her how bad Ryan was. With all these happy things going on in her head it seemed that nothing could possible break how amazing everything was turning out.

No matter what bad thing would come along, everything was going to be okay.

Right?

The second half of 9!

Part 10 will be tomorrow =]

-Staci

If Fear Is Just A State Of Mind, Then Is My Life Imaginary? [9/?] (Part 1)

Summary: Could you really be afraid, when ~~fear~~ is the only thing you've ever known?

Disclaimer: I do not own any one from Panic at the Disco. I do however own all other characters, unless stated otherwise, and the entire plot line.

Five minutes later Dani and Rachel got out to the car. Katrina was still giggling and overjoyed from her conversation with Ryan.

"What up with you?" Rachel asked, stepping into the car.

"Nothing...."

"Liar." She said laughing. "Come on, tell us! Please??"

"Alright.Ryan came up to me before I got to the car."

"Really? Oh my god what happened? What did he say? What did you say? Did he..." she continued to ramble on and on.

"Rachel! Rachel, chill. He just asked me for my numb-"

"He asked your for your NUMBER??? Oh my god! I can't believe it"

"Good. You shouldn't believe it. Because that's not the reason he wanted my number. It was for the project! Ya know, the one we're working on together?"

"Sure, sure. Whatever you sayyyyy"

_______________________________________________________________

Katrina skipped down the stairs and into the kitchen. The microwave's clock blinked 5:34 as she reached into the fridge for an apple. All of her homework was done; she had even finished some assignments ahead of time, getting things done that was to be assigned for over the break coming up next week.

'I'm 15, it's Friday, and I'm stuck home alone with nothing to do. How pathetic is my life?'

Then as an answer to her prayers, the phone rang. She ran over to pick it up and slipped on the floor.

'Owww.....hello?'

"Katrina?"

Her breath got caught in her throat.

"Ryan?"

Why would he be calling. I mean, sure they had a project to do but it wasn't due for how long and they just got it today.

"Uh, yeah. Hey! I was wondering if I could come over. You know, to uh..work on the project?"

Say no Katrina. It's a bad idea. Say no,say no, say no!

"Sure! You can come down right now if you want. Do you need my address?"

"Ok! I'll see you soon. And no, I don't."

Click.

'Wait a minute, he doesn't need my address? How does he know it already? STALKER!!!'

Katrina paced the hallway between the kitchen and living room. She was nervous beyond belief, even more than she was today just talking to him in school with a room full of people. Now they were going to be together, at her house, alone. So she did the only thing she could think to do.

"Hello?"

"DANI! I need your advice!"

"Woah! Chill girl, what do you need help with."

Katrina explained the entire situation to her, from him calling to already knowing her address. Dani wasn't happy that she was going to be hanging out with him but then again, it was in a way his fault that she ended up in the hospital.

Despite that, she gave her the best tips she could before there was a knock at Katrina's door.

"Oh my god! Dani he's here! I gotta go, I'll call you later to tell you everything. BYEBYES BABY!!" She screamed in the receiver and hung up, bouncing to the door to open it.

When she did, she saw Ryan standing on her doorstep twiddling his fingers and looking around absentmindely. Katrina giggled when she saw him, not meaning for it to be out loud.

He looked up and smiled at her.

"Hey!"

"Hi, come on in."

He walked in but stopped on the inside of the door.

"You can go all the way in you know." Katrina remarked, closing the door.

"Oh yeah, well, I just don't want to intrude is all."

"Well, don't worry about intruding. Just make yourself at home. You can look around if you'd like." She said venturing back into the kitchen for a drink.

Ryan took that as his chance to do some exploring on his own. He looked around the room he was currently in. He guessed that it was the living room because it had two couches, a chair, and a rather large T.V. He scanned the room for anything interesting and came across some pictures. All of them were family pictures. But one in particular caught his eye. It was of a little girl who looked about 3. Her bleach blonde hair and greenish hazel eyes complemented her nicely and made her look like one of the children you would see on TV. She was complete covered in cake and had a party hat on and was smiling widely with pride.

'Hmmm....a birthday party?' He thought to himself as he carefully picked up the photo frame. He turned it around to look at the back of the picture. In the top right hand corner of it, there were several words neatly scrawled on it. It read:

Katrina, age 4

1991

He chuckled to himself and sat it back in it's place on the mantle and then continued with his self-tour of her house. After looking through much of the downstairs and finding nothing interesting, he decided to climb the large staircase leading to the upstairs. Mostly all of it was bedrooms and guest rooms; nothing that was special enough to make him stop and look. That is, untill he reached the last room on the left.

Ryan pushed the door open the rest of the way and found himself in a dream room.

There was a nice big bed with soft looking covers laying over the top neatly, a computer in the corner, a T.V on the other side of the room, and posters galore. The walls were a medium green and the didn't have carpet, but it was a nice smooth wooden floor. He let himself in and went over to sit on that comfortable bed. He laid down and stared at the ceiling for a few mintues before closing his eyes and relaxing.

He didn't hear the door open or shut; in fact Ryan had almost drifted off to sleep.

"Like my bed?"

Ryan sprung to his feet and tried to make it look like he had not just fallen asleep on Katrina's bed, but failed. After regaining his composer and giving up and trying not to look like an idiot, he should up and nodded his head.

"Yes, it's very comfortable!"

"Hahah. Alright. Well, are we gonna work on this project or not?"

"Sure! Lets get started."

"Ok. We'll start now. Downstairs" Katrina said walking out of the door and down the hall.

"Hey! Wait up!" Ryan shouted running down the hall after her.

Both of them got along so well so quickly that they could be best friends; too bad they live in two completely different worlds.

Mkay, here's the first half of part 9! I needed to fit a crap load of stuff into this part for what's going to happen in 10, and there was no way it was fitting in one post. I'll have the second half out soon!

-Staci

If Fear Is Just A State Of Mind, Then Is My Life Imaginary? [8/?]

Summary: Could you really be afraid, when ~~fear~~ is the only thing you've ever known?

Disclaimer: I do not own any one from Panic at the Disco. I do however own all other characters, unless stated otherwise, and the entire plot line.

The bell rang to dismiss them to 2nd period, but Katrina and Ryan were so caught up in their conversation that they had missed it. They only noticed that they had to leave when Rachel came up and told Katrina to come on or they would be late for Bio again.

"Oh my god! Is it really time to go already?" Katrina shreiked and jumped up to gather her things. The only problem was that Ryan did the same thing at the same time, and they bumped heads.

'Owwww...." They said in unison. Ryan smiled at her, and she looked down bashfully.

They were hurrying down the hall to the Science hall when Ryan ran up to them.

"Hey Katrina! You left this back in art." He said, handing her a notebook.

She snatched it out of his hands quickly and put it under the rest of her books.

"Umm...thanks." *Cue awkward silence* "So...Ryan? Why are you going this way?" Rachel asked him trying to break the eerie silence that started a few seconds before.

"I'm..in your next class." The way he said it made it seem like he wasn't surprised that she never noticed.

________________________________________________________________

Once again all the students found themselves at the end of another day and it time to go home. Dani, Rachel, and Katrina stood by their lockers to get the last minute things they needed before heading out of the school.

"Hey guys? I've got all of my stuff so I'll just meet you out at the car alright?"

"Yeah, sure Katrina. That's fine. Here- Take the keys. Start up the car and get it warm for us, kay?" Dani said tossing the keys to her.

"Aight! Will do."

She stood about twenty feet from the car when someone grabbed her shoulder. Katrina let out a shriek and jumped a good five feet into the air while spinning around to see who it was.

"Woah, woah, woah! Calm down! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you that badly. I mean, I know I'm ugly but......." She'd recognize that voice anywhere. Ryan Ross.

And wouldn't you know it,there he was. Back in art class, Katrina never gave Ryan a good look-over. I mean, yeah sure, she had looked at him but not REALLY well. When she actually took the time to examine him, she noticed the key features about him; his dark brown hair that swooped to the side making it practically impossible to see his left eye, his tall lanky figure that would make you assume that he hadn't eaten properly for years, his overall style that made him unidentifiable into any specific clique, and his gorgeous eyes that were the color of melted honey (you could get lost in them if you stared for too long).

It was then that she realized she had been staring at him for quite some time,because he stood there with an uncomfortable look on his face. She got nervous for the second time that day around him and blushed a deep red.

"Well...ummm..I wanted to ask you....well...with the art project and all...I figured that we're going to have to work on it after school, no doubt about it. So I was wondering....if mabey....ummm....."

"Yeah Ryan? What is it?" His constant stuttering made him even cuter, which made her want to blush again but she couldn't. Now with him right there.

"Mabey could I have your number? You know, to call you and figure stuff out." He bluttered out finally.

"For the project?" Once she asked, Katrina realized how stupid it sounded.

"Uh...yeah. But , could I?"

"Oh, yeah. Do you have paper? I have a sharpie but no paper...."

"That's fine. God gave us arms for a reason!" He said enthusiastically and shoved his arm in her direction. She giggled at that and wrote her number in large letters across his arm.

"Why thank you! So I'll give ya a call later?"

"Umm....sure. See ya later Ryan!" She called out.

"See ya!"

She nearly sprinted to the car after that. Once she was safely inside and sure that Ryan was nowhere in ear-shot or eye-site, she let out a huge giggle fit that she'd been keeping in.

The next few weeks were going to be the best of her life, she could tell already.

Hmm....I don't like this part at all. It feels like it's missing something, I just don't know what.

And I might be double posting today , mabey even triple :o It depends on how much feedback I get and if I can take 2 hours out of my 'oh so busy' (haha) life to write the 9th part and finish up the 10th.

Oh yeah, you guys should go and check out this amazing girl's story:

http://semisweet003.buzznet.com/user/journal/

Do it. You know you want to .

Thanks for reading!

-Staci